


Solitary Tear

by TiffanyF



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 03:22:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiffanyF/pseuds/TiffanyF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set prior to the season 1 pilot episode "Cross Jurisdictions". When Horatio receives a phone call that sends him on a wild-goose chase his world is turned upside down and he starts to question himself and his place on the team. Can a certain CSI ground him again?<br/>No spoilers. I don't own em. Sure don't claim them. Wish I could.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solitary Tear

The ocean waves crashed violently against the sand sending their spray high into the air as the water rushed up the beach, hissing, before it retreated only to return again in the next crash. The normally blue water was a murky gray, a sign that there was a storm off-shore and, as a result, the beach was empty. Empty save a solitary figure sitting on the sand. The color and roar of the water matched his mood perfectly.

He was surrounded by people he knew cared for him, and yet he still felt isolated and alone. So alone that it almost hurt every time his heart beat in his chest. So alone that every breath was a knife in his soul. And yet he couldn’t help but wonder if he was being too sensitive, too emotional.

Anyone who dared to brave the weather that evening and walked past would’ve paused and taken notice of the man as his appearance was so striking and he certainly wasn’t dressed for the beach – in any weather. He had flame red hair that the wind was tossing as it blew and swirled around him. If the man had taken off his sunglasses bright, emotion-filled eyes would’ve been revealed. His eyes were probably his most remarkable feature as the deep blue always showed what he was feeling – hence the almost constant cover from the sunglasses. And what skin was visible was fairly unique in south Florida; it was pale and freckled with absolutely n o trace of a tan. As an especially violent gust of wind blew past him, it made his black jacket flap, although he appeared to take no notice.

Even with the beach as empty as it was, the expensive black suit with a blue dress shirt so dark it too was almost black, and black dress shoes stood out as entirely wrong for the beach. The dark color seemed to match his mood though. A glint of gold on his black belt showed that he was an officer of the law, as did the gun and ID badge keeping the shied company.

This lonely man was well-known in Miami by both good and evil alike, but at the moment his work was the last thing on his mind.

Horatio Caine was reflecting that it might just be possible to care too much for someone. And how that could eventually drain a person until the only thing that was left was a functioning corpse.

The night before had had received a phone call from one of his CSIs, a CSI in tears. Horatio had set out to find the CSI while keeping them on the phone, but the hunt had been in vain. But he hadn’t given up, even after the CSI had hung up, Horatio kept looking. All he knew was that one of his friends needed his help and he couldn’t find them.

When he arrived at the lab the next morning, exhausted after spending the entire night on the move, and still in the same suit he’d worn the day before, Horatio found his team in the break room.

They were all talking and laughing about something inconsequential. Horatio paused in the doorway for a moment, but no one noticed him. No one invited him in to share the joke. Heartsick and even more exhausted – and feeling like a fool – Horatio went to the locker room and the showers. Fortunately he kept a clean suit in his locker.

Throughout the day Horatio watched the CSI who had called him the night before and realized that all his fears had been for nothing. The CSI seemed as happy and cheerful as ever and, for the first time in a long time, Horatio felt as if there was a distance between his team and himself, a gulf he didn’t know how to mend. Horatio had always told his team that they could call him day or night for any reason. But now he felt as if that had been a mistake.

Everyone knew that Lieutenant Horatio Caine had a huge heart and cared deeply for everyone, no matter how much it hurt him personally. It was just the way he was made and it wasn’t something he could or wanted to change.

By the end of the shift Horatio took the only option left him, or at least the only one he could see through the pain. He fled the lab and, ignoring all signs of a storm, went to the one place he felt any modicum of peace. He went to the beach.

Horatio had heard the term heartsick used before in a number of circumstances, but he’d never before realized exactly what it felt like. It was as if a great, burning hole had opened in his chest and there was nothing there any longer. It didn’t even hurt; really, it was just a gaping nothingness where he knew his heart should be.

He didn’t want to think that one of his team, someone he considered family would use him in so careless a fashion. He didn’t want to believe that someone he cared for and loved could be so evil. Horatio wanted to believe that the previous night had been a bad dream, but he couldn’t forget how broken his CSI had sounded. For a while, until he was sure there was no alcohol involved, Horatio had been convinced his CSI would try and take their own life. He had been so scared as he drove to all the obvious spots in Miami searching helplessly for the friend that sounded so full of pain and self-loathing. And when he had failed to find them, Horatio had driven to the lab, convinced that one of their assignments would be to process a friend.

He still couldn’t reconcile the hopelessness with the laughing CSI he had found at the lab. The pain in his chest only grew as he realized he’d been used in one of the worst, most vindictive ways possible.

Horatio pulled up his knees and took off his sunglasses as the rain started to fall, the cold drops mingling with and washing away the tears that Horatio couldn’t hold back any longer. He rested his head on his folded arms and let the tears fall.  
******************** 

Everyone always seemed to forget about him until something went wrong. It wasn’t that he tried to be ignored or blend into the background, it just happened. And sometimes being the lab shadow wasn’t a bad thing because it let him see things that others wanted to keep hidden.

That morning he had seen the flash of pain in Horatio’s eyes when the lieutenant paused in the door to the break room. He had wondered, at the time, what it was about the sight of his team laughing could have possibly made Horatio look as if he had been slapped.

So he watched Horatio. It hadn’t escaped his notice that their normally sleek and composed lieutenant looked more rumpled than he did – and Speed almost always looked like he had slept in his clothes no matter what he did – and also that Horatio was in the same suit from the day before and obviously hadn’t slept. Speed knew that the lab hadn’t been busy the night before so there was no reason for Horatio to look like he did. At least no reason that Speed could think of.

As the day progressed Speed started to realize that Horatio was watching one of the team more closely than normal, almost as if he were searching for an answer. An answer that he couldn’t find. And it was obviously causing Horatio pain.

After he watched Horatio flee into the storm-darkened evening, Speed confronted the CSI Horatio had been watching and forced an answer out of them. Speed was stunned and sickened by what had happened the night before, the obvious callousness showed to Horatio and how his loving and compassionate nature had been thrown back in his face. Everyone knew that Horatio considered his team his family and Speed didn’t even want to consider what the current situation would do to Horatio and his relationship with the team.

After stopping at the morgue and telling Alexx everything, Speed asked for her advice. She told him to go and find Horatio and take care of him and she would deal with the CSI who started all the problems. Speed jogged to his bike and took off into the quickly darkening night. He knew he was racing a fierce storm and had serious doubts as to whether or not he’d be able to find his boss before it broke.

Speed was more inclined to strong emotions then anyone else on the team, and they tended to stick around longer as a result. Everyone who saw him dismissed Speed as a slob who didn’t give a damn about anything. And nothing could be further from the truth. In many ways Speed was just like Horatio, he just expressed it differently. It was something people didn’t understand and didn’t try to take the time to figure out. That was how Speed liked it. He liked to be left alone, liked to be able to just watch and learn.

He knew that Horatio wouldn’t have gone to his house after work. That just wasn’t Horatio’s style. Speed couldn’t see the red head taking any kind of negative emotions into his home. There had to be a place Horatio went when he was feeling bad. As he drove his bike through the increasingly fierce winds Speed tried to figure out where a hurt CSI lieutenant would go to think or work out some kind of strong emotion.

He didn’t have an answer and it was only by luck – or fate – that he chanced across the Hummer at the beach. A wave of relief washed through Speed as he parked his bike in the lee of the Hummer where it wouldn’t blow over and made his way out onto the beach. It wasn’t hard to spot Horatio on the deserted beach, and Speed’s heart both broke and went out to his lieutenant when he saw how Horatio was sitting.

With a soft sigh Speed made his way over to Horatio and sat down next to him, allowing his shoulder, arm, hip and leg to press up against Horatio’s. The red head didn’t stir, didn’t say anything and Speed realized that he was crying. The pain he’d been feeling doubled when he saw how hurt and in pain Horatio was. Speed wasn’t sure what he could do to make Horatio feel better, to let him know that he was loved and needed and didn’t know how to ask to find out. He just hoped that being there would be enough.  
********************

Horatio felt it when someone sat down next to him and he didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Somehow he had known that if anyone on the team cared enough to come looking for him it would be Tim Speedle. He was surprised when Speed sat down next to him and pressed in close. Horatio didn’t look up, ashamed of his tears, ashamed of being so weak as to be fooled by a ruse like he had been. They were trained to see past lies and Horatio had allowed his heart to lead rather than his mind and the pain of realization was only growing as time passed.

When Speed started talking Horatio tried to tune him out. He didn’t want to know what had happened at the lab after he’d fled. He didn’t want to know what had happened to the CSI who thought it would be such a grand joke to lead him on a wild chase, fearing for his friend’s life. Horatio didn’t want to care at that point. He just wanted to feel something other than pain and the empty void that was inside of him.

He finally looked up and over at Speed. Horatio found brown eyes watching him and was relieved to see that there was no sign of pity anywhere in them. He could see anger and disgust but knew that it was aimed at their co-worker rather than at himself. Horatio attempted to smile but knew that it must look almost as pathetic as he felt. Speed grinned back; the left side of his mouth lifting in a half smile, one that Horatio had seem directed at Eric many times before, but never at him. His heart skipped a little and, while the pain didn’t lessen, it did ease a little when Horatio realized that he didn’t have to carry the burden alone anymore.

Speed leaned in and gently kissed Horatio’s left cheek, tasting salt, rain and fresh skin. He let his tongue flicker out for a moment and was amazed at the soft moan it caused, a moan almost lost in the increasing winds. He sat back and looked at Horatio, a question in his eyes. Horatio studied him for a moment before nodding. They stood up, Horatio brushing the wet sand off his suit and followed Speed back up the beach to where the Hummer was parked. Speed started his bike and indicated that he would follow Horatio. The red head nodded and climbed into his Hummer, feeling more in control than he had since his phone rang the night before.

The drive to Horatio’s house was quick, more so than it should have been under the conditions but neither man cared at that point. They both wanted to continue what had been started on the beach with a simple press of lips against skin. Both wanted to feel something, something that they could only find together.

Speed barely had the door closed behind them when he was grabbed and pulled into a kiss, a soft yet fierce kiss so in contrast to the feel of the hands on his upper arms that he went weak. Horatio was frantic, he could feel it in every part of their touching bodies, and he was going slowly so as not to scare or hurt Speed. He was amazed that even in so dynamic a moment, at a turning point of such awesome meaning, Horatio could still be more concerned about the other person made Speed’s heart speed up. He tilted his head and took control of the kiss. Speed knew that their first time together wasn’t going to be gentle and they weren’t going to make it to the bed. With a quick move he flipped Horatio around and pushed him up against the wall, pressing in against him full length, the wet fabric of their clothes bunching up where it came into contact. Before Horatio could say or do anything, Speed claimed his mouth in a deeper kiss; one intended to enflame the desire that was already flickering between them. Horatio’s hands fell to Speed’s hips and pulled as his own hips thrust forward, trying to set up a rhythm between them.

As clichéd as it sounded in his mind, Speed felt the passion growing and swelling in him much as the wind howled and blew outside as the storm finally hit land. And the lovers climaxed when there was a loud clap of thunder. Snorting at the soundtrack that had been provided by nature, Speed leaned in to nuzzle Horatio’s neck a little as they both calmed down. Finally, Horatio pulled his head back and looked into Speed’s eyes. Speed read the question there, reached up, cupped Horatio’s cheek with his hand and nodded.

Horatio tried to smile again, but the pain was still inside him. He was still feeling like he didn’t know who he could trust with his heart, other than the man currently pulling him towards the kitchen. Horatio sighed, grabbed Speed around the waist and turned him in the direction of the master bed and bathroom. Grumbling under his breath, Speed stalked off to start a shower.

The red head followed. Maybe, just maybe things would look better in the morning. When he woke up with Speed in his bed.

Maybe.


End file.
